


just call my name (and i'll be there)

by sunshinesteves



Category: Agent Carter (TV), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: (it's also not aos canon compliant. rude.), Alzheimer's Disease, Bonding, Character Death, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Irish Steve Rogers, Jewish Bucky Barnes, M/M, Steve Rogers Has PTSD, but like. it's sousa. he dies of old age. it's fine, daniel sousa is a good bro, i guess this is canon compliant but actually no because sousa is there, like he's 100 he lived a long happy life, which peggy canonically has i just Do Not Know how to write it so we'll see, why is that not a tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:55:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24994999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshinesteves/pseuds/sunshinesteves
Summary: It's 2011, and Steve Rogers is seeing Peggy Carter for the first time in almost 70 years. But he doesn't expect her husband to open the door.Or, the evolution of Steve Rogers and Daniel Sousa's friendship.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Daniel Sousa, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter/Daniel Sousa, Steve Rogers & Daniel Sousa
Comments: 45
Kudos: 138





	1. 2011

2011

Steve stood nervously on the doorstep, fidgeting with his jacket collar. He kept taking the worn, folded piece of paper out of his pocket and checking the address scrawled on it – yup, he was in the right place. 

Maybe he should ring the doorbell.

It really wasn’t that difficult. All he had to do was reach his hand out, press the button, watch the woman he once thought the love of his life come to the door, her face weathered by time, her hair gray, while he didn’t look a day older than twenty-seven– 

God, Peggy hadn’t seen him in seventy _years_ , and to Steve it had only been two months since he asked her out to dance as the world came crashing down around him. She had lived a full life – she’d gotten married, had kids, helped start SHIELD and then ran it like a badass – all while he lay frozen under the ice. What would she do when she saw him now, unchanged?

He was too scared to find out. 

He turned and started walking down the steps. _Maybe I’ll come back tomorrow._

The door opened behind him. 

“Captain Rogers?”

Looks like he didn’t have to ring the doorbell after all.

“Yes?” He turned back around to face the speaker in the doorway.

The old man’s face was lined with wrinkles, but his brown eyes twinkled brightly and youthfully. He had a crutch on his left side, and – Steve couldn’t tell, but he was pretty sure – a prosthetic leg.

The old man smiled warmly. “You were standing out there for so long, I decided just to let you in.”

Steve chuckled. “Thank you for that.”

The man held out his hand. “Daniel Sousa. Peggy’s husband.” 

Peggy’s husband. The man who fell in love with her, who married her, who raised children with her. The man who grew old with her. The man who would’ve been Steve had things turned out differently...

Steve shook it firmly. “Steve Rogers.” 

“Everyone knows who you are, Captain,” said Sousa. “We’ve met, actually. Bastogne, ‘44. You saved my life.”

“I– I’m sorry, I don’t–” Steve felt terrible. He would’ve thought he’d remember those eyes.

“No, no, it’s alright. I’m just glad you were there. Otherwise I would’ve lost a lot more than just my leg.” He tapped said leg with his crutch. _Clang._ “...Wouldn’t have met Peg either.”

An uncomfortable silence fell between them, one full of things left unsaid. 

Sousa broke it abruptly, awkwardly. “I’m assuming you’re here to see her?” Steve nodded. “She’s upstairs, resting...here, come on in.”

Steve finally stepped over the threshold, into the front hall. The dark hardwood floors creaked under his feet as he looked around. To his left was a large cozy living room – a big leather couch, a fireplace, a television. On his right, the hall opened up into a dining room, and he could just see the kitchen behind it. And on the wall, directly to his right, hung a full-length mirror. It seemed like an odd spot to put one, but somehow, it felt like something Peggy would do. Steve glanced sideways at his reflection, and for just a second, he could see her there – in her dress, with her hair curled and her bright red lipstick, stopping to examine herself just before she left the house for work. And Sousa - a younger one, with fewer wrinkles and darker hair and love in his eyes – walking up behind her, giving her a quick kiss on the temple, telling her she looks beautiful. She smiles. They walk out.

They’re in love.

The reflection of Peggy and Sousa disappeared, and there he was again – just Steve. Fidgeting with the cuffs of his leather jacket. Rocking back and forth on his heels. Ridiculously awkward. Alone.

He headed towards the staircase in front of him, but Sousa stopped him with a hand placed gently on his shoulder. 

Before you go up there, Captain…” He trailed off, like he had no idea what to say next. “I just want you to know...Peg got diagnosed with Alzheimer’s a few weeks ago.”

Steve had heard of it. Read about it in a big dusty medical book in the library one day. Bucky had thought he was insane, willingly reading about symptoms and surgeries when “there are all these books about goddamn magic and fairies and quests, _Jesus_ , Steve.” But Steve was entranced by the lists of diseases and disorders. He’d run his finger down them, trying to find the ones he had. Asthma and heart palpitations and high blood pressure and–

“It’s mild right now,” Sousa continued, “but there’s no cure, and it’ll eventually get worse. She still remembers most things. She’ll _definitely_ remember you.”

Did Steve even want her to remember him? Would it be less painful if she didn’t?

Maybe it’d make it easier to move on.

He helped Sousa up the stairs and followed him down the hall to a door. Sousa opened it quietly and looked inside.

“She’s asleep,” he said. “We can still go inside and sit with her, if you want.”

Steve nodded. “Yeah,” he said, throat dry. “That sounds good.”

He followed Sousa into what he assumed was the master bedroom. Lots of books. Queen sized bed, big white comforter, light filtering through the window. Peggy.

She was lying on her back, sleeping peacefully. Her hair was gray and her face was lined and her lips were free of that bright red Steve knew so well, but there she was. Just as he remembered her.

“She’s beautiful.” So beautiful.

Sousa smiled softly. “Always has been.”

There was that love in his eyes.

There were two chairs - they must have been taken from the dining room downstairs - pulled up next to the bed. Sousa lowered himself into one of them, and Steve sat down in the other. 

He could’ve just sat there for hours looking at Peggy, but Sousa had other ideas. Namely, conversation.

“So, Captain...where have you been staying, since…”

“Since I came out of the ice?” Sousa nodded. “Well, there’s a safehouse up in the middle of nowhere that Fury had built for powered people, so I was there for the first two weeks. Hated it.”

“Missed the city?”

Steve nodded. “I guess no matter what decade I’m in, Brooklyn is always home. I have a little apartment near my old neighborhood now. It’s completely different, but still–”

“Exactly the same.”

“Yeah...Buck used to work down at the docks and sometimes I’d go down and visit him and we’d sit and watch the sunset over the ocean, and I’d go on and on about how one day I’d see what was on the other side. He’d laugh and ruffle my hair and say ‘We’ve got the whole world right here, Steve.’ I went back to sit there a few days ago. It was like he was right there with me.”

The truth was, Bucky was always with him.

He’d never told anyone that story. He didn’t know why he was telling it now, to Sousa of all people. Someone he’d just met literally ten minutes ago. 

Sousa went quiet for a bit – Steve couldn’t tell if he had fallen asleep with his eyes open or if he was just thinking.

“Have you seen anyone besides me and Peg since the ice?” 

Steve shook his head. “Pretty much just you and Fury. And he’s not the type to sit down and have a nice long chat with me.” 

Sousa chuckled. “No, no he is not...but you should try talking to people. Your neighbors, at least.”

Maybe. Maybe he would.

Just then, Steve noticed one of the books in the stack on Peggy’s nightstand. _Steve Rogers: An American Hero._

“She reads books about me?” he asked, pointing to it.

“She likes to find all the author’s inaccuracies. Her personal favorite was _The Captain America Story,_ which insisted that you were actually from the Bronx.” 

“At least it didn’t say I was from Staten Island.”

“Now, that would’ve been a _real_ insult. Here, take a look.” Sousa handed the book over.

The cover was a photo from his USO tour, him in that god-awful suit with the little wings sticking out the side of the helmet, and that dumb plastic shield, socking “Hitler” right in the face. Quite the American hero.

He flipped through the pages. Peggy had highlighted certain sections and written little notes on the side in her small neat handwriting. Things like “Steve _definitely_ never said this” and “they left out fondue” and “that uniform looked stupid and everyone knew it!” Steve could almost hear her voice coming off the page.

“Since the diagnosis, she’s been reading them more so she can remember you,” said Sousa. 

Steve froze, eyes still fixed on “Dum Dum would appreciate how much you write about his mustache”. (She was right, he absolutely would.)

“I don’t think she could forget about you even if she tried.” 

Steve looked up. “Well,” he said, “that makes two of us.”

_Maybe mentioning how much you think about his wife isn’t the best idea, Steve._

He closed _Steve Rogers: An American Hero_ and placed it back on the nightstand, trying to think of some way to change the subject. “They got my name wrong.” _That’ll work._

Sousa looked surprised. “They did? I thought your full name was Steven Grant Rogers.”

“It is – well, that’s my full English name. My Irish name is Stiofán Mac Ruaidhrí. Bit of a mouthful.”

“No, I like it,” said Sousa. “I never knew about it.”

“I don’t think anyone did, except for Bucky. They got his name wrong too. Yaakov ben George v’Yehudit.”

“He was Jewish?”

“Yeah. I used to go to the Barnes’s for Shabbat dinner almost every week. Knew all the blessings and everything. I was basically a member of the family.” What he wouldn’t give for another piece of Winnifred Barnes’s challah. The sweetest, softest thing he had ever tasted.

“I guess he didn’t mention it that much.”

“It wasn’t really something you’d want to disclose in Europe in 1944. Still managed to light the candles every week, though.” 

A silence fell over them – one thankfully much more comfortable than the last. Steve sat quietly, watching Peggy breathe as she slept. Then, out of nowhere, Sousa spoke up.

“I’m sorry if I made this awkward. You were here to see Peggy.”

“No, no, it was me who made this weird. And really, I’m glad I got to meet you.” He wasn’t lying. 

“See…” Sousa spoke slowly, choosing his words carefully. “I always saw you as...competition, of sorts. I was in love with Peg, and she was in love with you, and how could I compete against a dead guy? Especially one who sacrificed himself to save millions of lives...you were a hero. I was a lovesick cripple. I couldn’t win.”

“But you did.”

“But I did. I got lucky. She loves me, for whatever reason. And she always kept this picture on her desk.”

He pointed at one of the photos on the nightstand. A familiar one, sitting right next to Peggy and Sousa at their wedding. 

A photo of Steve.

It was clearly taken during training. Pre-serum. White shirt, dog tag, and a fierce look in his eyes. Not Captain America. Just Steve Rogers.

“It was never anything romantic. More of a reminder. Peggy said it always motivated her to get off her ass and get to work. Reminded her why SHIELD was founded.”

“That’s what she was for me.” Steve pulled out the compass he always kept in his pocket.

“I always thought this was romantic, but now...I’m not sure.” He opened it. There was her face from 70 years ago, smiling up at him. “I loved her then,” he said, “and I love her now. But I don’t think it’s in the way I thought.”

And there she was right in front of him. 

Peggy Carter opened her eyes.

She reached her hand out, confused. “Daniel? Are you there?” 

The first time hearing her voice in almost seventy years. Steve felt like crying.

Sousa took her hand. “I’m right here, sweetheart. I hope you rested well. There’s someone here to see you.”

And that’s when Peggy noticed him.

“Steve?”

Steve smiled. “Hey, Peggy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! this is my first fic ever, which is quite exciting. hope you enjoyed! please leave comments, kudos, bookmarks, other ao3 things (idk how this website works) 
> 
> more chapters to come soon!!  
> (also: follow me on tumblr @dum––bass?? perhaps??)
> 
> here are some notes:  
> \- the safehouse steve talks about is the same one that skye stays at in aos after going through terrigenesis. in the show, koenig mentions that steve stayed there for a bit, so i had to mention it :)  
> \- this is in dc, so the niece in the area is sharon  
> \- idrk how to write sousa as a ninety year old man, so he's basically still in his 20s he just has wrinkles and can't walk as well


	2. 2012

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few weeks after the Battle of New York, Steve and the newly formed Avengers get an unexpected visit from Daniel and Peggy.

2012

It was one of those rare quiet mornings at Avengers Tower. Sun shining through the windows. Muffled sounds of taxis and phone conversations and subways and street vendors filtering in from outside. A severe lack of Tony Stark. Maybe a chance to eat breakfast in peace.

“Jesus, Cap, you’re eating _oatmeal_?”

So much for that peaceful breakfast.

Steve looked up from his bowl. Tony had a smirk on his face and dark circles under his eyes. Which was basically his signature look.

“What’s wrong with oatmeal?”

Tony’s smirk grew wider. “Nothing, it’s just– you’re making it very difficult for me not to make grandpa jokes about you. _Please_ tell me you put cinnamon in it, at least.”

“Of course I put cinnamon in it, I’m not a monster, Tony.”

“I don’t even think our resident monster would eat plain oatmeal. Hey Banner??!” Tony called out. As if Bruce could hear him through the ceiling. “JARVIS, could you ask Dr. Banner if he eats plain oatmeal? It’s important.”

“Sure thing, Mr. Stark,” replied JARVIS.

“Banner’s gonna be pissed,” said Steve, as a messy-haired Natasha Romanoff entered the kitchen.

“Tony, what’d you do this time?” she asked sternly.

“Why are you attacking me so early in the morning when Old Man Rogers is right here eating oatmeal?”

“Because oatmeal is good, and you’re a pain in my ass.”

“You think oatmeal’s _good??”_

Steve sighed and went back to his bowl, tuning out Tony and Nat’s argument – or maybe it was a friendly conversation. With the two of them it was basically the same thing.

His phone rang. _Strange. Barely anyone has my number_. He picked it up.

A now-familiar voice came through the speaker. “Captain Rogers?”

“Agent Sousa. I told you to just call me Steve.” A smile crept up on Steve’s face. It was good to hear Sousa’s voice.

“I’ll call you Steve when you call me Daniel. None of this ‘Agent Sousa’ nonsense.”

“Fair enough. Is ‘Mr. Peggy Carter’ okay?”

He heard Sousa chuckle over the line. “Absolutely. Peggy approves.”

Tony, hearing who Steve was talking to, stopped short in the middle of his tirade against Quaker Oats. “Uncle Dan??” he asked excitedly.

A sigh came through the phone. “...Is that Tony?”

“Indeed it is.” Steve looked up across the counter. Uncle Dan??? he mouthed to Tony.

Tony just cracked a smile, and walked over to the fridge to get some frozen waffles.

Sousa kept talking. “Well, we just called to say that we’re in New York.”

“You’re in New York? Where?”

“Downstairs.”

“Down– what?”

“In the lobby,” Sousa said. “Avengers Tower. I’m assuming this is the right place.”

“It is, but– we weren’t expecting you. Why didn’t you call before you got here?” Steve asked.

“We wanted to surprise you. It was Peggy’s idea.”

Steve smiled. Of course it was.

“Do you need one of us to come down and get you?” he asked.

“No, no, we’ll be fine. We’ll be up in a few minutes. See you then.”

He hung up. Steve put the phone down.

“Let me guess,” said Tony, now rummaging through the pantry, “they’re in the lobby.”

Steve nodded. “Why do you call him Uncle Dan?”

“Peggy’s my godmother, and I always called her Aunt Peggy, so he was Uncle Dan– why are there like six boxes of poptarts in here?” he asked suddenly.

“Thor likes them,” said Natasha, who was sitting in a chair with her legs up on the counter.

“Thor likes poptarts? Since when?”

“Well, Barton _thinks_ he likes them. He keeps buying them from the grocery store so Thor will have a big supply when he comes back.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “Of course he does.” He took out the chocolate syrup and closed the pantry. “Where even is Barton, anyway?”

Natasha shrugged. “Asleep.”

Tony took his waffles out of the toaster and put them on his plate. “Thought he’d be climbing through the vents or sitting on the roof or something.”

“You know he’s not an actual bird, right?”

“That’s what he wants you to think.” He started drizzling the chocolate syrup on his waffles.

And now Natasha rolled _her_ eyes. “I’m gonna go wake him up. I’ll be right back." She stood up, slapped Tony lightly on the arm as she walked past him, and left the room.

Tony dug into his waffles – Jesus _Christ_ , did he chew loudly – while Steve just sat and stared at the door, waiting for Sousa and Peggy’s arrival.

Nobody spoke.

That tended to happen a lot.

Steve didn’t know how to feel about Tony. It seemed like half of their conversations were arguments, like they could only ever really talk to each other with other people in the room. And sometimes they’d just sit and soak in awkward silences. Which Tony would try to fill with any words he could think of.

“She won’t be able to get him up,” he said suddenly, through a mouthful of waffle. “Barton never wears his hearing aids to sleep.”

Steve didn’t answer.

Case in point.

A faint _ding_ came from the elevator down the hall. Then footsteps. And what sounded suspiciously like a wooden cane. _Oh thank God_.

Steve stood up. “That must be them.”

Sousa appeared in the doorway, Peggy on his arm – though, more accurately, he was probably the one on Peggy’s arm.

He held out his hand. “Captain….Steve,” he said, with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

Steve shook it, chuckling lightly. “Mr. Carter.”

“That’s _Agent_ Carter to you, Captain.”

“Are you technically still an agent?” If Steve was being honest, he wouldn’t put it past Sousa to still be working, even in his nineties.

“Are _you_ technically still a captain?” Touche.

 _“Technically_ , I never was a captain in the first place.”

Sousa laughed. “Forgot about that...it’s good to see you, Captain.”

“You too, _Agent_.”

Steve turned to Peggy and kissed her lightly on the cheek. “Hey, Peg,” he said softly.

“Hello….” she trailed off, her brown eyes staring into his. Since her diagnosis, she’d started forgetting things. Little things - names and dates and where she’d last put something down. Nothing too important yet.

“It’s Steve,” said Sousa, gently placing his hand on her shoulder. “You know him.”

“Oh,” said Peggy. “Hello, Steve.”

Steve smiled.

He led Sousa and Peggy over to the counter, where Tony had finished his plate of waffles.

“Uncle Dan, Aunt Peggy. How’ve you guys been?” he asked.

“We’re alright,” said Sousa, helping Peggy into the chair recently occupied by Natasha. “Do you guys live here full-time?”

“I think Banner does,” said Tony. “I split my time between here and Malibu. Barton...no one really knows what Barton does. He’s here sometimes. Romanoff floats in and out since she has super secret missions to go on.” Always that hint of sarcasm in everything he said. “Thor’s never here. You’d think he’d come and visit.”

Well, he’d have plenty of poptarts when he did.

“And Rogers goes back and forth between here and Brooklyn,” Tony finished. “It’s a fun crew.” He certainly wasn’t wrong.

“You still got that little apartment in Brooklyn?” Sousa asked Steve.

“Actually, I’m moving in a few weeks. To DC.”

Tony gasped, put his hand on his chest. “You’re leaving me? I’m hurt!” It was one of those little annoying things Tony did that always reminded Steve of Howard.

Steve gave him a look. _Shut up, Stark_.

“Fury gave me an offer. To work for SHIELD.”

“Ah,” said Sousa. “So _I_ should’ve been the one to call _you_ Agent.”

“Do _not_ call me Agent, Agent.”

“Captain’s orders,” Tony piped up. _Jesus Christ._

He stood up. “Well, I’ve gotta go work on something in the lab. Lovely to see you all.” He leaned down and kissed Peggy on the cheek. “Barton and Romanoff might show up at some point. They’ll be happy to see you two. Dr. Banner is probably still asleep– oh, wait, hang on a sec. JARVIS?” he called out. “Did Banner ever answer my question about the oatmeal?”

“He very grumpily said, and I quote, ‘Obviously not. And tell Tony not to ask me stupid questions this early in the morning unless he wants to bring the big guy out.’ Then he rolled over and went back to sleep.”

“That’s a good answer,” said Tony. “Alright. Bye, everyone.”

He left the kitchen, leaving Steve alone with Sousa and Peggy.

Since that deeply awkward first visit, he’d been back down to DC to see them a few times. Just to check in, see how Peggy was doing. Talk to Sousa. They’d gotten far more comfortable around each other. Which was entirely Sousa’s doing, as he was ridiculously easy to talk to, whereas Steve was hopelessly awkward. But somehow, it worked.

“So," said Sousa, sitting down by the counter, “DC, huh?”

“Yeah. Pretty exciting.”

“It’ll be nice to have you close by.”

“It’ll be nice to _be_ close by,” said Steve. And it would.

“How…” Sousa went quiet for a few moments. “How have you been feeling, since…”

“The battle?” The Battle of New York, as people called it. “I’m alright. Still having the same dreams and flashes I had when I first came out of the ice, the ones from the war, of Bucky falling and of flying the Valkyrie. Now I’ve just got more things added on to it. Tony lying on the ground, not breathing. Coulson’s bloodstained deck of Captain America cards. Fun stuff like that.”

“Fun stuff like that,” Sousa agreed. “...And the team?”

“It’s a good one,” said Steve. “Your godson can be a pain in the ass, but then again, so could his father.”

Sousa nodded.

“And Romanoff’s incredible, but you already knew that,” Steve continued. “It’s good. We have family dinners and movie nights. They’ve been showing me Star Wars.”

“Yeah, is it good?”

Steve smiled. “It’s great. Bucky would love it.”

“He a sci-fi fan?”

“Oh, totally. He was obsessed with any sort of new technology. Took me to Stark Expo the night before he shipped out. Wouldn’t shut up about Howard’s stupid flying car the whole time.” He could just see it, Bucky all dressed up in his uniform, staring in awe at everything around him.

Peggy, who had been sitting silently in her chair up until now, spoke up. “He would always ask Howard to build him one– well, more like pester him, really. Howard always promised he would, after the war.”

They all went quiet. Bucky had never gotten his flying car. He never would…

The silence was broken in the form of Natasha Romanoff, entering the kitchen with a messy-haired Clint Barton in tow.

“Hey, Daniel,” she said. “Director Carter. How’ve you been?”

She sat down on the counter. Barton shook Sousa’s hand and joined her.

“I’m not your Director anymore, Natasha,” said Peggy, but still she smiled. “And I’m alright, though my _husband_ keeps forcing me to rest. I may be old, but I’m not dead yet.”

“You could probably still kick my ass, though,” said Natasha.

“Mine too,” said Steve.

“Mine for sure,” said Barton.

Sousa sighed. “And mine...but _don’t_ give her ideas.”

Everyone laughed.

Steve looked around, at these people who were his newfound friends, his family. And that didn’t even include Tony in his lab, or Banner still asleep, or Thor back in Asgard. He had his people. He’d thought he’d lost everyone he loved, but he’d found more. He could always find more.

The bowl of _(cinnamon)_ oatmeal lay forgotten on the counter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again! sorry this took so long. this chapter was fun to write but also harder than i thought it'd be lol
> 
> some quick notes:  
> \- this chapter starts with steve eating his oatmeal like the old man he is, which is sort of an allusion to a terrible wattpad stucky fic i wrote last year. it only has one chapter, whose first sentence is "steve was spooning cereal into his mouth when peter walked in the room." and no i will not be linking it lol  
> \- i mean. i had to throw in some clint in the vents and thor eating poptarts. it's 2012. i had to  
> \- fun fact i also have an uncle dan. also yes tony calls him uncle dan–  
> \- calling daniel mr. carter is just an automatic boost of serotonin u guys
> 
> anyways! hope you enjoy, pls comment that would be lovely, give kudos, all that jazz. next chapter is pretty much a rewrite of the steve and peggy scene from tws...except daniel is there...it'll be fun. won't be out for at least another two weeks but it'll be here i promise. yeah! enjoy reading!!


	3. 2014 (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two years later, Steve goes to visit Peggy in the hospital, where he has an enlightening conversation with Daniel. (aka the rewrite of the Steve and Peggy scene in Winter Soldier)

Steve pushed the hospital room door open and stuck his head in.

“Hello?”

Sousa turned around and started to get out of his chair, but Steve motioned him to sit down. He walked over to the bed, where Peggy was propped up on pillows, and sat in the empty chair right next to it.

Peggy had gotten worse in the past two years, so she was moved to a hospital in DC where she could be more easily cared for. Sousa seemed to spend most nights dozing off in his chair right by her bed. He barely went home anymore.

He turned to Steve. “So, how’s it been down at the Triskelion?”

“It’s...I’ve been here for two years, and I still don’t really know how to describe it,” said Steve. “You should be proud of yourself. Both of you.” He looked at Peggy lying on the bed, and she looked right back at him. “You’ve done so much good. Saved so many lives. Helped so many people.”

Peggy’s nightstand was covered in photos, some taken from her nightstand at home – her and Daniel on their wedding day, their kids, that picture of pre-serum Steve that she always had – and others that Steve hadn’t seen before. Peggy with her arm around a teenaged Tony, who looked almost mortified. Peggy and Daniel and a tall blonde man in a suit, all staring seriously at the camera. Peggy and another tall man, this one very well-dressed, standing in front of a mansion. One just of Daniel, sitting at his desk and writing a report. Her whole life – _their_ whole life – sitting right there.

Peggy noticed Steve looking. “Mhm,” she said. “I have lived a life. My only regret is that you didn’t get to live yours.”

Sousa nodded. “If anyone deserves it, it’s you.”

But Steve shook his head. “If I hadn’t gone down with the Valkyrie, you two may never have met. Or fallen in love. I wouldn’t change that for the world.” As he said it, Sousa took Peggy’s hand, squeezed it tight. “And besides,” Steve continued, “I’ll still get to live my life now. I have friends. I have you guys. I met this really nice guy when I was jogging around the Mall a few days ago.”

Sousa snorted. “How many times did you lap him?”

“Like six. Had to keep saying ‘On your left’ whenever I passed him.”

“Bet he really enjoyed that.”

“Oh, totally,” said Steve sarcastically. He looked down at his hands, suddenly thinking about Fury, and his inability to ever tell him what was really going on. About Romanoff and her own mission back on the Lemurian Star. About anything, really.

Maybe Steve was glad to have a chance to live his life now. But things had changed.

Sousa noticed Steve’s sudden mood swing. “What is it?” he asked.

 _Oh, Jesus_. Steve really didn’t feel like dumping all of this on them right now.

But they knew what it was like. They’d listen. They always did.

“For as long as I can remember I just wanted to do what was right,” he said. “I guess I’m not quite sure what that is anymore. And I thought I could throw myself back in and follow orders, serve. It’s just not the same.”

Peggy chuckled.

“You’re always so dramatic,” she said. She certainly wasn’t wrong.

“Look, you saved the world. We rather...mucked it up.”

No, they hadn’t.

Steve shook his head. “But you didn’t. I already told you, knowing that the two of you helped found SHIELD is half the reason I stay down here.”

Peggy’s left hand was still being held by Daniel, but she laid her right one on Steve’s arm, connecting the three of them altogether.

“Hey,” she said, reassuringly, “The world has changed, and none of us can go back even if we wanted to.”

“All we can do is our best, Steve,” said Sousa. “And you said it – sometimes the best that we can do, is start over.”

Sousa, of course, was right. He had a knack for that. But Steve always felt like he had left something behind, like there was an invisible string tying him to the past. Like he _couldn’t_ start over.

He thought about the Smithsonian exhibit he had just gone to, a familiar face superimposed on a glass panel. Bucky.

That was a string he couldn’t cut.

And then Peggy started coughing, and Sousa turned to get her a water bottle, handed it to her.

But Peggy’s eyes were still on Steve, with that same expression she’d worn three years ago. When she saw him for the first time in almost seventy years.

“Steve?” she asked.

“Yeah,” said Steve. He was right there.

“You’re alive!” Her voice was breaking. “You...you came, you came back.”

“Yeah, Peggy,” said Sousa, still grasping her hand tight. “He came back.”

Peggy started crying. “It’s been so long. So long.”

“Well,” said Steve, smiling softly. “I couldn’t leave my best girl.”

Sousa leaned down and kissed Peggy’s forehead softly as she fell back asleep. Steve heard him whisper something. “I’m in this with you til the end, Peg.”

In this with you til the end. Steve was sure he hadn’t heard it before, but it sounded so... _familiar_.

Sousa smoothed Peggy's blankets and stood up, Steve following suit. They walked out the door and stood outside in the hallway.

“What was that you just whispered to her? ‘I’m in this with you til the end’?” Steve asked.

“Oh, that,” said Sousa. “It’s– well, the first time I said it to her, everything was kind of a mess, and this was before we had really figured ourselves out– I think I really meant to say I love you, but I couldn’t, so I said that instead. Now it’s just our thing. It’s my way of saying I love you. Til the end. Til death do us part.”

Til the end.

Til death do us part.

_I love you._

I’m in this with you til the end.

Til the end.

Til the end of the line.

 _Oh_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!! sorry i've been gone for so long, i just got back from my trip a few days ago. but i've returned!! v exciting
> 
> any dialogue that looks familiar is taken directly from the famous steve and peggy scene in tws (which, sidenote, is their only canon interaction post tfa. what the fuck) because this is a rewrite of that scene lmao. that's also why this chapter is a little bit shorter, because this scene is actually...kind of short?? did not realize that until now lmao
> 
> i'm assuming y'all know that the tall blonde man in a suit from the photos is jack thompson and the other tall dude is jarvis, but just in case you didn't know that's who they are. and also the dude steve talks about meeting is sam. obviously
> 
> YES THE THING ABOUT THE INVISIBLE STRING IS SORT OF A TAYLOR SWIFT REFERENCE. STREAM FOLKLORE FOR CLEAR SKIN
> 
> i left out the "not when she owes me a dance" thing because it had some romantic connotations in tws and there was just no way of including it without it feeling weirdly romantic. and yknow steve is literally sitting next to peggy's husband and has already stated that he loves her but not like that. so i left it out lol
> 
> and the i'm in this with you til the end thing....there's some gifset on tumblr of peggysous/stucky parallels that includes that line and i just. i had to. i like to think that this is why steve says i'm with you til the end of the line to bucky. because he realizes that it means i love you and it always has....so yeah thanks daniel lol


	4. 2014 (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just after the events of The Winter Soldier, Steve reveals a secret to Daniel.

Steve opened his eyes.

He immediately knew two things – one, he was still in his hospital bed. And two, he felt like shit.

So basically, a completely normal day for him.

He turned to his left, expecting to find a tired Sam still sitting there – but Sam was gone. In his place was a sleeping Daniel Sousa, who must have dozed off while he was waiting for Steve to wake up.

Steve reached out and poked Sousa’s shoulder. “Daniel,” he said. “Daniel. Wake up!”

“Mhm?” said Sousa sleepily. He opened his eyes, looked around, a little disoriented. “Oh,” he said, noticing Steve. “You’re awake….how are you?”

“Well,” said Steve, “the Potomac hurts like a bitch, that’s for sure.”

“Steve.”

Steve sighed.

“I’m a mess. I’m assuming you knew that already.”

Sousa didn’t answer, just said simply, “I’m sorry. For all of it.”

“You _really_ don’t need to apologize…..can I talk to you about something?” The words just seemed to slip right out of his mouth.

Sousa nodded. “That’s why I’m here.”

_Well, here goes nothing._

“Right after my mom’s funeral–” _starting off strong, Steve_ “–Bucky walked me home. Right up to the front door. Told me I could live with him if I wanted to, make things easier. I was an orphan, had no one but him and his family– anyways, I told him thank you, but I could get by on my own. He said I didn’t have to. And then he put his hand on my shoulder, looked me right in the eye, and said ‘I’m with you til the end of the line, pal.’ I didn’t really know what he meant at the time. Just that he’d always be with me, and that was enough.”

Sousa nodded, clearly not knowing where the story was going.

Steve cleared his throat, kept going. “I didn’t think of it at all until I went to see you and Peggy, not even– god, it wasn’t even two weeks ago. I heard you say ‘I’m in this with you til the end’ to Peggy, and I asked you about it, you remember. You told me it meant I love you before you could say I love you. That it meant til death do us part. And then it clicked – it was, word for word, almost the exact same thing Bucky had said all those years ago. Which means he was trying to say–”

“I love you.”

Steve nodded. “All this time, he loved me. He _loved_ me. And right then I realized, I loved him too….I always had, I think. Since the beginning and long after he was gone.”

Sousa smiled softly. “But he wasn’t gone.”

“Yeah, I somehow had the luck to realize I was in love with my long-thought dead best friend maybe three days before he showed up again, with no memories of me, trying to kill me.” He almost wasn’t surprised.

“Kind of insane that you two found each other again, all these years later,” said Sousa. “

Yeah,” said Steve. “Completely insane….” He trailed off, trying to figure out what to say next. “I said it. On the helicarrier.”

“Said what?”

“He was on top of me, beating me to a pulp, and I just...said it. Partly because I thought it’d help him remember, but mostly I was just telling him how I feel, finally. I don’t know if he understood, but I think it worked. As soon as I said it he just...froze. I fell. Next thing I knew I was lying on the bank and he was walking away.”

“He pulled you out of the river.”

“Yeah.”

“Steve. I’m pretty sure that means he still loves you.”

“You think?”

“I know,” said Sousa. “By the way, am I the first person you told?”

“That you are,” said Steve. “Although Sam and Natasha probably know already, they’re not stupid and I’m not subtle.”

He was smiling. He’d finally gotten it all out. He could breathe now.

He loved Bucky Barnes and he could finally say it out loud. And people didn’t care.

Sousa was smiling too. He looked proud. Proud of Steve for telling him. Proud that he was part of the reason why. Why was he still just sitting there smiling–

Steve sighed. “Daniel. Why do you look like a proud dad.”

“Maybe I _am_ a proud dad.”

“We’re the same age!” _Jesus Christ._

“Well, we certainly don’t look it,” said Sousa. He paused. “...You gonna go after him?”

“Once I get out of this goddamn bed, yeah,” said Steve. “Probably won’t be able to find him until he wants to be found, but it’s worth a shot.”

“It’s love, of course it’s worth a shot.”

“Don’t you get sappy on me, Sousa.”

“Too late….you know, it’d be kind of funny if you came out publicly on Fox News or something.”

Steve started laughing. “Oh my god, like Tucker Carlson’s show? That’d be hysterical.” He put on a fake, over-exaggerated newscaster’s voice. “ _This just in, Steve Rogers, the man who’s been a representation of America for the past seventy years, is not the good straight man you always thought he was, but is in fact deeply bisexual. We apologize to all the straight white boys with white supremacist tendencies who have idolized him up until now._ It’s like they forgot I was disabled for twenty plus years,” he said, dropping the impression. “Or that my parents were immigrants.”

“People are stupid,” said Sousa.

“People are stupid,” Steve agreed. “How do you think Peggy will react?”

“Probably something along the lines of ‘For Christ’s sake, Steve, you’ve been in love with him for eighty years, just go for it already.’”

“She always knows just what to say, doesn’t she.”

Sousa chuckled. “Yup. That’s our Peg.”

Steve yawned loudly. Damn, baring his soul was _exhausting_.

“Get some rest,” said Sousa. He put his hand gently on Steve's shoulder. “I’m proud of you, Steve.”

Steve smiled, laid his head on his pillow, and closed his eyes.

He was pretty proud of himself too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> somehow i managed to write this chapter in four days???? idk either lol
> 
> alright here are some notes!  
> \- daniel falling asleep in a chair by steve's bed while he waits for him to wake up is entirely based off of him doing the same thing by daisy's healing chamber thing in aos....except obviously i don't ship steve and daniel lol  
> \- i honestly have no idea if it's the potomac that steve fell into, but either way it probably does hurt like a bitch  
> \- since the beginning and long after he was gone.....womb to tomb, sweetheart......yeah  
> \- YES "HE COULD BREATHE NOW" IS A DIRECT REFERENCE TO "SIMON U CAN EXHALE NOW" SHUT UP  
> \- proud dad!daniel lives in my head rent free fun fact  
> \- this is your daily reminder that tucker carlson fucking sucks thank u  
> \- i made it a point for steve to say specifically that he's bi partly because that's just...how i hc him... but also because yknow, actually stating ur identity feels really fucking good. i'm also bi so i might as well give myself that sexy sexy explicit bi rep lmaoooo
> 
> so yeah. i'm v proud of steve for coming out even tho i literally wrote this lol. steve go get ur manz
> 
> next chapter is gonna be pretty fun (and weird lol) and the chapter after THAT will probably stab you in the heart. get excited!!


	5. 2015

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The famous Carter-Sousa family Labor Day Picnic has arrived, and this year Steve is invited.

Steve was nervous.

Maybe not as nervous as he was four years ago when he first met Sousa, but pretty damn close.

He parked his bike and walked over to the picnic tables, where maybe thirty people were gathered, eating and talking and chatting.

Sousa, thank god, was standing on the edge of all the hubbub, quietly watching his family mingle with a smile on his face. Steve tapped him on the shoulder.

“Hey,” he said. “You gonna introduce me?”

“How about I tell you who they all are now, and then you can introduce yourself,” said Sousa. Because he was lazy.

“You ready?” “Should I take notes?”

“Maybe. Okay, Peg and I have two kids, Jane and Henry. Jane’s at the buffet table, by the fruit salad bowl, and her wife Stephanie is right next to her.”

He pointed at her, a woman with dark hair streaked with silver, a blonde woman standing right next to her. _Jane and Stephanie. Got it._

“Henry and his wife Rachel are at the table closest to us.” Steve saw them, a tall brown-haired man and a curly-haired black woman, both in their sixties, talking animatedly to a younger couple.

“They’re talking to Julia, who’s Jane and Steph’s oldest, her husband Derek, and that blond baby on Jules’s lap is Ty. He’s three and he’s very cute.”

He _was_ very cute.

“Jane and Steph have two other kids, Ross and Abby. They’re around here somewhere….Oh, there’s Zach and Andrew. Henry and Rachel’s twin boys. Playing frisbee down by the pond.”

“Okay...so who’s everyone else?”

“I’m _getting_ there,” said Sousa. “You already know Sharon. Her dad John is Peg’s nephew.”

“I thought _she_ was Peggy’s niece.”

“Great-niece. It’s just easier to say niece, I guess.” And there was Peggy, sitting in her own special chair, next to an elderly woman who Steve didn’t recognize.

“Who’s that sitting next to Peggy?”

“That’s Angie Martinelli. She and Peg have been friends since our SSR days. She used to be a waitress and Peg’s favorite diner in New York, then she got her big break on Broadway.”

“She ever get married?”

“Her partner Georgia died a few years ago. Cancer.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.” _Great job, Steve._

“It’s alright…..oh, there’s Tony and Natasha by the dessert table. You should go say hi.”

Tony was piling as many mini cheesecakes on his plate as he could, and Natasha was trying – and failing – not to laugh at him. She noticed Steve and waved hello.

Steve chuckled and waved back.

“Alright,” continued Daniel, “there’s Joe Morita, Jim’s son, his wife Kathryn, and their kids Jamie and Tim– oh, _there’s_ Ross. He and Jamie are dating.”

Steve smiled. “You’re still friends with all the Howlies?”

“ _And_ all their children. There’s Tom Dugan, who has the same exact mustache as his father. You never met Jack Thompson, but that’s his son over there, Jack Jr. Most people call him JJ. And there’s Antoine Triplett, Gabe Jones’s grandson. He’s a SHIELD agent – or, he used to be.”

“You’ve almost got a whole village,” said Steve.

“Almost. We always have a big Labor Day picnic, invite everyone. This one is special because...well, it might be Peggy’s last.”

Steve nodded solemnly. He knew she’d gotten a lot worse since he last saw her. He knew she’d be gone soon. But that didn’t matter. She was here, _now_. Steve had to make the most of it.

“Go,” said Daniel, pushing Steve lightly. “I release you into the wild, you absurdly tall man.”

Steve laughed and immediately made a beeline towards the dessert table, where Tony was stuffing mini cheesecakes into his mouth. Natasha held his plate and giggled as he tried to talk, spraying cheesecake crumbs everywhere.

Steve picked up a brownie. “The genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist himself.”

“Didn’t know Captain America ate dessert first,” said Tony. _Captain America can do whatever the hell he wants, bucko._

“Thought you knew I had a major sweet tooth. I’ll probably be back for another brownie after I eat some actual food.”

“That’s the only way to do it,” said Nat, popping the sole remaining mini cheesecake into her mouth. “Go mingle, you know us already.” She shoved him towards the buffet table, where Jane and Stephanie had reached the pasta bowl.

“You sound like Daniel.”

“Daniel knows what he’s talking about. Don’t tell him I said that.”

“Oh, I _totally_ will,” said Steve, as he made his way over to the buffet table. He got himself a plate and some cutlery, then walked down until he reached the pasta bowl, right across the table from Jane and Stephanie.

Jane looked up at him. She had Daniel’s eyes – kind and bright and full of warmth.

“Captain Rogers!” she said brightly. “Oh, it’s _so_ lovely to meet you, Dad has told us so much about you.”

“It’s lovely to meet you too, and please, call me Steve.”

“We just want to say we loved your interview on Fox News,” said Stephanie. “Tucker Carlson certainly didn’t look happy.”

Steve smiled. “Well, that was the goal, I guess,” he said. “He seemed surprised I wasn’t some conservative war-obsessed homophobic gun nut. Poor guy.”

Daniel’s idea for Steve to come out publicly on Fox News may have been a joke, but Steve had taken it to heart, and booked an interview on Tucker Carlson’s show almost as soon as he got out of the hospital. He hadn’t come out during the interview – that would be on his own terms, and not until he found Bucky – but he definitely scared Tucker Carlson shitless, which was all that really mattered.

Jane finished serving her wife pasta and handed Steve the serving spoon. “I hope you enjoy meeting everyone,” she said. “We’re glad you’re here. Dad especially.”

“I’m glad I’m here too.” J

ane smiled, which made her look even more like Daniel. “Steph and I are going to sit at that table over there. You can come and eat with us, if you like.”

“I will,” said Steve. “There are just some people I want to say hi to first.”

Jane and Stephanie walked away, and Steve looked around, trying to find someone he could talk to.

He spotted the Howlies’ kids, all clustered together and chatting a little bit away.

He approached them, a little slowly because he was trying to figure out how to introduce himself without making a complete fool of himself. Thankfully, he was saved by one of them noticing him and waving him over.

Steve joined the group, and the man who waved him over held out his hand.

“Name’s Antoine Triplett,” he said. “Most people call me Trip. Pleasure to meet you, Captain.” He had one of the warmest, brightest smiles Steve had ever seen.

Steve shook his hand. “Nice to meet you, Trip. Daniel told me you’re Gabe’s grandson?”

“That I am,” Trip answered. “Although I don’t like talking about it much. But these guys are family, and so is Peggy. So I’m here.”

“Yeah, that’s why we’re all here,” said Tom Dugan. “God, I don’t know what Dad would’ve done if he knew you were still alive.”

Steve smiled. “Dum Dum wasn’t phased by much. He’d probably just take a swig of bourbon, clap me on the shoulder, and say ‘Well I’ll be damned!’”

They all laughed.

“What about Morita?” asked Dugan. “Joe, how’d you think your old man would feel?”

“Dad?” said Joe. “Oh, he’d faint. Just take one look at Cap’s face and black out.”

Steve snorted. “And we never would’ve let him hear the end of it.” He missed them all. So much.

The blond man in a suit – Daniel had said his name was Jack Thompson Jr. – spoke up.

“You never met my dad,” he said, “but all I know is he’d never let Sousa hear the end of it.”

“That’s cause your dad was a major pain in the ass, JJ,” said Trip.

“And proud of it,” JJ agreed. They all chuckled lightly.

Joe’s wife Kathryn – who, with her dark hair and striking blue eyes, almost looked like she could have been Steve and Peggy’s daughter in another life – turned to Steve. “It must be weird,” she said. “Seeing all of us.”

“I can assure you, I’ve seen weirder.” _This might not even make it to the top ten. Especially since Sokovia._

Steve said goodbye to the group and wandered over to Peggy, who was sitting with Angie Martinelli, both of them completely quiet, just watching the whole family mingle and talk.

Steve sat down next to Angie. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, ma’am,” he said politely, holding out his hand.

She shook it. “Steve Rogers. I’ve heard a lot about you.” She was the only person he’d met today who hadn't called him Captain. It felt good.

“All good things, I hope?”

She smiled sweetly. “Mostly.”

“Daniel told me that you and Peggy have been friends since just after the war,” said Steve.

“Well, I’m glad to see that Daniel’s memory still works,” she replied. “We were best friends. I had the biggest crush on her.”

 _Holy shit._ “Really?”

Angie chuckled. “Oh, I was madly in love with her. Got over it eventually. Let me tell you, Steve, the only thing worse than being gay in 1940s New York is being gay in 1940s New York and also hopelessly in love with your best friend.”

“I can attest to that.” _Steve, you idiot._

“You–” then she realized. “You can–”

“Bucky,” he said, by way of explanation.

“Got it,” she said, her smile growing wider. “You’ve got good taste, Captain.”

She certainly wasn’t wrong.

“And you’re a Broadway actress, right?” he asked.

“That I am. And Peg and Daniel came to see every single one of my shows. Don’t know how they did it, they seemed to spend half their time kicking bad guys’ asses and the other half making out in Daniel’s office.”

Steve laughed. “I like you, Angie.”

“I like you too, Steve. You have my stamp of approval, not that it matters.”

“Oh, it _absolutely_ matters. It was wonderful meeting you.” He stood up and kissed Peggy lightly on the cheek. She hadn’t moved or said a word during the entire conversation.

“Likewise,” said Angie. “Now go talk to the young people.”

-=+=-

An hour later, Steve had finally made his way around to everyone. The whole goddamned Carter-Sousa family tree. He was tired and a little worn out from talking to so many people, but god, was he happy.

He rejoined Sousa, who was standing at the dessert table and eating a brownie.

“Alright Steve,” he said. “So what did you learn today?”

“Well first of all, Tony can not and should not be left unsupervised,” said Steve.

“We knew that already. I meant a new lesson.”

“Okay...I learned that Antoine Triplett is a ray of sunshine, as are your children, especially Jane. Also, she has your eyes. _Also_ , I’m convinced that Tom Dugan just took the mustache off of his father’s corpse because it’s _exactly_ the same. Also, I came out to Angie within like thirty seconds of starting a conversation with her.”

“You what now?”

Steve looked at him. “Are you surprised?”

“No.”

“Thought so. And the final lesson…” Steve looked around, at the Carter-Sousa family members talking and eating and laughing at each others’ jokes, at the pond and the sun setting behind the trees.

“Your family is beautiful, Daniel,” he said. “And I’m so grateful that I’m a part of it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!! i am so so sorry this took like two weeks to get up but i hope you enjoy this literal 1000 words of fan service!  
> some notes:  
> \- YES STEVE STILL HAS HIS BIKE BECAUSE I SAID SO  
> \- remember when daniel said that maybe he WAS a proud dad? yeah that's cause he's actually a proud dad :)  
> \- i feel like i named the baby after ty simpkins but honestly i don't remember  
> \- THEY ALL JUST HAVE REALLY WHITE NAMES LMAO  
> \- ok sharon as peggy's niece really just doesn't make sense like at all because she's so much younger so now she's peggy's great niece i solved it  
> \- LESBIAN ANGIE MARTINELLI RIGHTS  
> \- steve immediately going "she ever get married?" is slightly ooc ngl but i just needed an excuse to bring up angie's wife so shush  
> \- YES THAT IS JOE AND KATHRYN MORITA U HEARD ME CORRECTLY   
> \- trip is technically dead at this point but i literally do not care he had to be here. #triplives  
> \- steve doing an interview on tucker carlson lives rentfree in my mind idc  
> \- trip saves the day once again!!  
> \- lmao ik i was a little on the nose with kathryn like WOW SHE COULD TOTALLY BE STEVE AND PEGGY'S DAUGHTER OMG but like. shut up. (sidenote obviously she isn't actually steggy's daughter in this fic but i just wanted to include her because i love her ok bye)  
> \- OLD GAYS BONDING!!! ugh you guys i love angie so much  
> (why were there so many notes lmao)
> 
> ok anyways i hope y'all enjoyed whatever the fuck this was. next chapter is 2016 y'all know what that means!! it means pain!! k bye ily pls leave comments if u want


	6. 2016

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve heads to London for Peggy's funeral.
> 
> (aka the one that stabs you in the heart)

Everyone was arguing.

Tony kept saying that they had to sign the Accords and Nat was  _ agreeing  _ with him and Steve was just trying to  _ read _ the damn thing so he could actually understand it and everyone’s voices were bouncing around in his skull and  _ Jesus Christ,  _ _ please _ _ shut up– _

His phone buzzed. He picked it up.

A text. From Daniel.

_ She’s gone. In her sleep. _

_...She’s gone. _

“I have to go,” said Steve, and with that he stood up and walked out of the room.

“Steve– what–” Tony’s voice got cut off as Steve shut the door and headed down the stairs.

He had to stop halfway down, lean against the railing, put his head in his hands.  _ She’s gone. She’s really gone.  _

He took a few deep breaths. Tried to calm himself down. It didn’t really work, but he still managed to straighten himself up and walk down the rest of the stairs to his room.

He started pulling random articles of clothing out of his closet and stuffing them in a duffel. A jacket. A few sweaters. A baseball cap and a pair of sunglasses – he always seemed to need those. A suit, for the funeral.  _ His  _ suit, just in case.

Tony walked in through the open door.

“Steve,” he said, “what the hell just– where are you going, why are you packing, we still have to  _ talk  _ about this, you can’t just–”

“Peggy’s dead,” said Steve.

For once in his life, Tony Stark had nothing to say.

“Her funeral’s tomorrow, in London, and nothing you say or do is gonna stop me from–”

“Of course I’m not stopping you. I’m coming with you.” Tony looked like he was in shock.

Steve  _ felt  _ like he was in shock.

“You– what?”

“Look, I know we…  _ disagree  _ on the Accords, but Peggy was important to me too. She’s – she was my godmother. She and Daniel basically raised me after my parents died.”

“Weren’t you like twenty-two?”

“Yes I was. They still had to raise me.” He looked directly into Steve’s eyes. “We can take separate planes. Sit on opposite sides of the room, I don’t care. But I’m coming with you whether you like it or not.”

“I don’t like it…but yeah. You can come.” This was probably a terrible idea.

“Alright, I’m gonna go pack,” said Tony, walking out the door. “And tell Romanoff and Wilson too. They’ll want to be there to support you.”

Steve sighed. “Yeah,” he said. “I know they will.”

-=+=-

Steve and Sam took a cab from the airport to – well, it was just Daniel’s house now.

They sat in silence in the backseat, staring out the windows at the dreary London sky.

“D’you know why they moved out here?” asked Sam suddenly. “Haven’t they been in DC for a while?”

“Yeah, they have. They moved around a month or two ago, I think. Partly because the UK healthcare system doesn’t fucking suck, partly because...well, this is Peggy’s home. She wanted to be back here, one last time.”

“They burying her here?”

“I’m not sure.” He didn’t want to think about it, about her being lowered into the ground, being covered up by dirt–  _ Steve. Stop. _

They pulled up at the house, which was charming and quaint and had a bright red front door. They paid the driver, got out of the cab, and walked up the path. Steve knocked on the door. 

It opened to reveal Jane Sousa-Carter, whose usually bright eyes were dulled. She looked like she’d been crying.

“Steve,” she said. “I didn’t think you’d stop by before the funeral.”

“Well, I’m here to see if your dad’s okay.”   


“I don’t think any of us are okay.”

“No, I guess you’re right...oh, this is my friend Sam. Sam, Jane. She’s Peggy and Daniel’s oldest.” Sam and Jane shook hands.

“Lovely to meet you, Sam. Come in, it’s chilly out there.”

Sam and Steve stepped inside. 

“They’re in the living room,” said Jane, leading the way.

“Who else is here?” asked Steve.

“Just me and Henry and Sharon. Everyone else is at the cathedral already.”

She opened the door to the living room.

“Dad,” she called. “I have some visitors.”

Daniel, who was standing in the middle of the room and looking utterly exhausted, turned towards the door. He smiled. “Hey, Steve.”

Henry, who was sitting in an armchair, gave Steve and Sam a nod. Sharon was straightening out her great-uncle’s collar. She turned to Steve and gave him a quick “Hello.”

“Who’s your friend?” asked Daniel.

“This is Sam,” said Steve.

“He the guy you lapped six times around the Mall?”

“You told him about that?” asked Sam, a little annoyed.

“Maybe.”  _ Ah, yes. Lightening the mood before a funeral. That always works. _

“For the record, it was  _ not  _ six times, it was  _ maybe  _ two–”

“We’ll compromise with four.”

“Fine,” Sam grumbled. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Agent Sousa.”

“Oh, please,” said Daniel, who was chuckling at the whole exchange. “Call me Daniel.”

But even with the smile on his face, and the lightness in his speech, there was no hiding the sadness in his eyes. 

For a while, he and Steve just looked at each other. Both so close to breaking down, trying to hold it together. Barely succeeding.

“Alright,” said Sousa suddenly, “Sharon, I love you, but that might be the fifth time you’ve smoothed down my collar in as many minutes….we should go.”

“You sure?” asked Jane.

Daniel sighed. “I have all of you here,” he said. “I’ll be fine.”

-=+=-

In the cathedral lobby, Daniel pulled Steve aside.

“You holding up alright?” he asked. He didn’t even wait for an answer. “I don’t know why I asked that. Listen, it’s totally up to you but I’d love for you to come up and say something, if you want.”

“You– you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. And also….I want you to help hold the coffin.”

Steve could barely breathe. “Daniel, I–”

“I know it’s what she would’ve wanted. You’re important to her. To both of us. And besides, I can’t do it because I’m old and only have one leg.”

Steve chuckled as tears filled his eyes. “Alright,” he said. “I’ll do it. And Daniel...thank you.”

Daniel smiled as he turned and walked into the sanctuary.

-=+=-

Steve helped carry Peggy’s coffin in, along with Jane, Henry, and JJ Thompson. He hated every second of it.

He was crying for real now, his tears blurring his vision. He tried not to think about what– no,  _ who  _ he was carrying. That she was gone. For real.

He was relieved when they finally set it down. He hurried over to his seat between Sam and Daniel, and looked up at the podium as the priest introduced Sharon. 

"Margaret Carter  was known to most as a founder of SHIELD ,” she began. “But I just knew her as Aunt Peggy. She had a photograph in her office. Aunt Peggy standing next to J FK . As a kid, that was pretty cool. But, it was a lot to live up to. Which is why I never told anyone we were related. I asked her once how she managed to master diplomacy and espionage at a time when no one wanted to see a woman succeed at either. And she said, ‘Compromise where you can. Where you can't, don't. Even if everyone is telling you that something wrong is something right. Even if the whole world is telling you to move, it is your duty to plant yourself like a tree, look them in the eye, and say, “No,  _ you  _ move.”’”

At those words, Steve glanced to the other side of the room, where Tony was sitting with Nat.

Tony looked right back at him.

_ I guess neither of us are backing down.  _

Sharon finished her speech and walked off the podium, as Jane walked on. 

She cleared her throat.

“Hi everyone,” she said. “You all know that my parents are the coolest. My mom especially. And being her daughter is the greatest gift I could ever ask for. To this day, I am still in awe at how she managed to be a badass Director of SHIELD and the most loving, caring mother at the same time.” She paused, looked around, and continued, a little slower.

“I remember when I decided to come out to her and Dad. I was so scared. I thought they’d kick me out, disown me, but I knew I couldn’t lie to them – or myself – anymore. So I sat them down at the kitchen table and just let it all out…the first thing my mom did was she gave me a huge hug and told me how proud she was. The  _ second _ thing she did was tell me that she was  _ also _ not straight, and apparently neither was my dad.”

Steve turned to look at Daniel in awe. Daniel just shrugged. 

“Remember when I told you about Jack Thompson?”

_ Oh my god. _

Jane laughed and continued. “It was certainly an eventful day...My mom was always the first person I came to about anything. I told her  _ literally _ the day that I met Stephanie that I knew she was the one. She just nodded and said, ‘If it’s love, Jane, you’ll know.’ And she was right. She always was. I just wish I looked as good in bright red lipstick as she did, but, well, you can’t have everything.” She looked up, her eyes shining. “I love you, Mom. Thank you for loving me.”

As she stepped down, Daniel nudged Steve lightly in his seat. “It’s my turn,” he whispered. “And you can say something right after.”

“Alright. I’ll help you up.” 

Steve hooked his arm in Daniel’s and walked him up the aisle, then up the stairs.

Daniel walked up to the mic. “Hi, everyone. Thank you all so much for coming.

“When Peg was first diagnosed, we knew this would happen eventually, so she gave me two concrete rules for her eulogy: one, I’m apparently not allowed to take too long, and two, I have to make sure none of you name anything or anyone after her. No children, no pets, nothing. I will  _ definitely _ be breaking the first rule, and the second one still confuses me, but I just had to get that out of the way first.” He paused for a bit. “And for the record, I am  _ perfectly  _ okay with any of you naming your children after me. Just letting you know. Okay…”

He looked at Steve, then at everyone in the room, then down at the coffin.

“I met Peggy in the New York City office of the SSR in 1946. I fell in love with her ridiculously fast. I never really got to tell her how quickly it happened. If I’m being honest,  _ I _ didn’t really know at the time. We were all still reeling from the war, and she was reeling from the loss of the man who is literally standing right next to me right now. Funny how the world works.” He chuckled lightly. “Peggy was the most gifted agent in that entire office. She was an incredible fighter, she was smart and calculating and quick on her feet. And she was stubborn, fiercely so, and she cared so much about the people she loved. And she  _ loved,  _ she loved with every bone in her body. I am so grateful to have been on the receiving end of even a little bit of that love.” His voice started breaking. Steve put a hand reassuringly on his shoulder.

“I have one story to share, before I shut up,” said Daniel. “I proposed to Peggy in 1950, on a warm March night in LA, while we were walking in a park. I got down on one knee, told her I loved her, asked her to marry me...and then I dropped the ring. Right on the grass, in the dark. We spent what must have been fifteen minutes on our hands and knees trying to find the damn thing. We bumped heads a few times. And when we finally found it I picked it up, slid it on her finger, kissed her, and then we just sat on the grass and laughed hysterically. It might just have been the best day of my life, except for every other day I spent with her. She brought so much light into my life, and I know she did the same to all of you. We love you, Peg.” 

He turned to look at Steve, tears on his cheeks. He mouthed,  _ Yeah? _

Steve nodded, and switched places with Daniel so he was standing in front of the mic.

“Hey,” he said. “I’m gonna make this brief, I promise.”

He caught Tony’s eyes. His expression was unreadable. Nat smiled at Steve and gave him a quick nod.

_ Alright. Here goes. _

“I only really knew Peggy for a short time, but I could tell from the moment I met her that she was different than almost everyone else I knew. She was one of literally four people who believed in me, who understood that I was more than just my size. Granted, she could probably have poked me, lightly, and I would have fallen over, but that’s besides the point. She never thought of me as inferior. Not once. She was Captain America just as much as I was – more, even. And we all know that if  _ she  _ had been given the serum, the war would’ve ended much earlier...I am so grateful for everything she did for me, and I am so,  _ so  _ grateful that I got a little bit of time with her, all these years later. Thank you.”

He helped Daniel down the stairs as the funeral-goers clapped. It died down as they reached their seats and sat back down.

He turned to Daniel. “How’d I do? I hope it was alright…”

Daniel didn’t answer, just looked at Steve, his eyes full of tears and love and love and tears. 

He held his arms open. Steve leaned in and hugged him tight.

“Thank you,” Daniel whispered. “She would’ve loved it.”

_ She really would have. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok disclaimer i haven't been to a funeral and i do not know how they work so bear that in mind lmao  
> also this chapter is longgggggg. like twice as long as the others. 
> 
> here are some notesssss  
> \- i will forever stand by this, tony went to the funeral. literally why wouldn't he–  
> \- idk why her funeral was in london. i guess i could've switched it, but i just came up with a reason for it instead??? idk  
> \- for whatever reason, i didn't mention them, but trip and angie are absolutely also at the funeral. yes trip is technically dead by now but i still do not care  
> \- PEGGY AND DANIEL ARE BOTH BI THANK U AND GN  
> \- the naming thing is for a reason i promise just wait a bit  
> \- the proposal story is technically based on steve's proposal to peggy in not easily conquered, but daniel also canonically did the same thing when he proposed to violet in agent carter so either way it works  
> \- STEVE AND DANIEL FINALLY HUGGED WOOOOO  
> \- i was gonna add in a nat scene at the end but this is about steve and daniel so we'll leave it at that 
> 
> hope you enjoyed the stabbing!!! we are officially halfway thru this thing which is kind of insane. next two chapters will be kind of fun, chapter 9 is more heart stabbing, and after that it just kinda stays consistently emo. get readyyyyyy


	7. 2017 (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now a fugitive from law, Steve – along with Nat and Sam – decide to visit Daniel for a special occasion.
> 
> (civil war happened almost exactly as it did in canon, minus the stevesharon kiss. that doesn't exist)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw death  
> hey everyone.  
> so i'm assuming you all know that chadwick boseman passed away last week. it's been really hard on a lot of people, especially those in the black community.  
> and even tho i'm incredibly white and will never understand the pain some of y'all are going thru, i'm still here if you ever need anything. and i love you.  
> t'challa isn't in this chapter, but he may be in the next one. or he will certainly be mentioned. either way, it'll be weird to write.  
> love you all. happy reading. this one's a little bit all over the place :)

One night, Steve decided to bring it up.

“I think we should go visit Daniel.”

He thought Nat would be surprised, but she just looked exasperated.

“Steve,” she said. “I feel like you’re not understanding the part where we’re  _ war criminals.” _

“No, I got that,” said Steve.

“You sure?” She was teasing.

“Certain. But I haven’t seen him in what, a year? He’s a close friend.”

“Nah, there’s something else,” said Sam. Then he realized, almost as he said it. “...Tomorrow’s the eighteenth, isn’t it.”

Steve nodded. “Peggy’s yahrzeit.”

“Her what now?”

Steve chuckled. “It’s the Yiddish word for the anniversary of someone’s death. Heard it a lot growing up so it just got ingrained in my vocabulary, I guess.”

He and Bucky used to light a yahrzeit candle for their parents every year. Bucky would stay up to watch it burn out, while Steve dozed off on his shoulder. 

This year they might finally have a chance to do it again. For the first time in seventy years.

Nat sighed. “Look, I know how important this is to you...I think it can work.”

_ Yup, all we need is some baseball caps and sunglasses, and we’ll be totally unrecognizable. _

Steve smiled. “Alright. We’ll go tomorrow.”

-=+=-

He stood on the same porch he had nervously waited on all those years ago, trying to figure out how to reach out his hand and ring the damn doorbell. 

Six years ago, he hadn’t wanted to face an older, well-lived Peggy. Now he didn’t want to face a dejected and lonely Daniel. He didn’t think he could bear it.

Even worse, Daniel would probably put his brave face on, pretend it didn’t hurt like hell. But it did. Steve knew it did.

“Uh, Steve?” said Nat, standing right next to him. “Are we just gonna stand here on the porch doing nothing for the next ten minutes?”

“No.”  _ Probably. _

“Okay, followup question: why the  _ fuck  _ are we wearing sunglasses at night?”

He smiled. “It’s a disguise.”

“You’re an idiot. Ring the doorbell.”

As she said it, the door swung open, revealing – Sharon. 

“Hey,” she said. “You...probably shouldn’t be here. Why–”

“The sunglasses were Steve’s idea,” said Nat, as she took hers off. “And we probably  _ shouldn’t  _ be here, you’re right. But  _ Nomad _ over here is a stubborn son of a bitch.” She gave Steve her signature look, somewhere between exasperation and affection. “Who cares a lot about people he loves.”

Sharon chuckled. “Nomad???” she asked. “That’s new. Mysterious. Kind of sexy.”

“Alright, I need  _ both  _ of you to stop making fun of me,” said Steve. “You too, Sam.” 

“I have not said one single thing about your dumb dramatic ass today,” said Sam, trying and failing to stifle his laughter. 

“Now you have.”

“Whoops.”

“Guys,” said Sharon. “You are literally the most unprofessional wanted fugitives I have ever seen.  _ Please  _ come inside.”

She ushered them in and quickly closed the door behind them.

Steve looked around the front hall, looking almost exactly like it had six years ago. Even the full-length mirror was still there.

_ Damn,  _ he thought, eyeing his reflection.  _ My hair is getting  _ _ long. _

“Jesus, Steve, you need a haircut,” came a familiar voice.

Steve turned. Daniel smiled from the living room couch, where he was playing Monopoly with Jane.

“You also need a shave.”

The corners of Steve’s mouth seemed to turn up on their own. “Hi, Daniel.”

“ _ And  _ you’re interrupting game night. I don’t know if I can ever forgive you.”

“For the beard or for interrupting game night?” Oh, how Steve had missed this.

“I’m still deciding.” Daniel pushed himself off the couch, limped over to Steve, and hugged him tight. 

“It’s good to see you, Daniel,” said Steve. 

“You too,” said Daniel, his chin resting on Steve’s shoulder. 

“How’d Monopoly go?”

“Oh, Jane kicked my ass. She always does.”

“Can confirm,” said Jane, as she stood up and walked over to her father. “I wiped the floor with him.” She gave Steve a quick peck on the cheek. “How’ve you been, Steve?”

“As good as I can be, I guess…I’m so sorry for just barging in like this, are you sure you’re okay with us being here?”

“Steve,” said Daniel. “I was friends with Howard Stark for fifty years. You’re definitely not the first known criminal to be in this house.” 

He immediately realized what he’d said. 

“Oh, dammit, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have mentioned–”

“It’s fine, Daniel. Really.” He wasn’t sure if he was telling the truth or not.

Daniel and Jane both just looked at him, their kind dark eyes filled with concern.

“Is there...anything I can do to help around here?” asked Steve.

“Yes, actually,” replied Daniel. “Sharon’s gonna go down to the basement and dig up some old photo albums for us to look at. Since, you know…”

“Right,” said Steve. “I’ll go help her.”

As he walked towards the open basement door – Sharon must have already gone downstairs – he heard Daniel talking to Nat and Sam behind him.

“Hey, guys. I like the new look, Natasha. The blonde really suits you–”

His voice muffled as Steve shut the basement door behind him and headed down the stairs.  _ Jesus, they’re creaky.  _

“Who’s there?” came Sharon’s voice from below.

“It’s me."

“Oh, hey Steve. Daniel send you to help?”

“Yeah,” he said, as he reached the bottom of the stairs.

Sharon was standing over a cardboard box, her blonde hair hanging in her face. She looked up at Steve.

“He’s worried about you, y’know.”

“I know. He shouldn’t.” He walked over and stood beside her as she emptied the box.

“Steve. You’re a fugitive from law, a self-sacrificing idiot, and you’ve been putting your life on the line for the same person since quite literally the 1940s. He has plenty of reason to worry.” With each phrase, she stacked another photo album from the box on the table.

“That’s kind of normal for me, to be honest.” 

She rolled her eyes. “Look, he’s always been the one to stop the self-sacrificing idiot from sacrificing themselves for the greater good. The one to make sure they think about themselves for once. Hell, he was married to one for almost seventy years.”

Neither of them spoke. Or moved. Just stood there, heads hung low, thinking.

The seconds felt like hours.

“I miss her,” whispered Steve.

“I do too,” said Sharon. 

Then she snapped back into her normal, sarcastic, whip-smart self. “I wonder how’d she’d feel about all this, though.” She gestured at Steve’s...well, kind of all of him.

“I can’t exactly be Captain America anymore.”

“I mean, yeah, no shit. But the beard? And the rolled-up sleeves? Did you straight up just  _ rip  _ the star off your uniform?”

“You’re a real pain in my ass, I hope you know that.”

“Then I’m doing my job correctly. Help me carry some of these upstairs,  _ Nomad.” _

She handed him a stack of photo albums and walked back upstairs. Steve rolled his eyes and followed her.

“I saw that!”

“No you didn’t!”

Daniel, Jane, Sam and Nat were all sitting in the living room, talking animatedly. Nat was fiddling with one of the Monopoly pieces – the dog, Steve was pretty sure - while the board lay forgotten on the coffee table.

“We come bearing gifts,” announced Sharon, as she and Steve entered the room. They placed the photo albums down on the table. “We’ve got just about every era from the past seventy years. Go crazy.” 

She walked over and sat down near Jane, while Steve joined Sam and Daniel on the couch.

“You know,” he said to Daniel, “I don’t think you’ve shown me any old pictures of the two of you.”

“Well, what do you want to see? Wedding? Kids?”

“Personally, I’m just wondering what you looked like in the 80s,” said Sam. He really did have his priorities straight.

“Oh, that’s easy. I looked like me, just a little less gray, and Peg looked like an angel sent down from heaven. Which also applies to every other decade. There’s an album with 80s pictures in it, somewhere in the pile.”

Nat, who was curled up in an armchair, immediately pulled out a random album and began flipping through it.

“Here’s our wedding album,” said Daniel, handing it to Steve. He studied him closely. “God, I just can _ not  _ get over that beard.”

“You certainly are not the first person to tell me that,” said Steve, opening the album. “Oh, these are beautiful.”

There was Daniel, much younger and darker-haired, but those same bright eyes. And Peggy, just as Steve remembered her, her hair perfectly curled, dressed in a beautiful sweeping wedding gown. Both of them looking over the moon. 

“You look so happy.”

Daniel smiled. “We were.”

Steve kept flipping through, reaching photos from the reception. He noticed a familiar face. “Is that-”

“Are you talking about Jim Morita dancing or an incredibly drunk Howard Stark? Because either way, yes.”

“You invited the Howlies?”

“Of course we did. It’s the one and only time I ever saw Dum-Dum Dugan wear a suit.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Nope. There he is, coat and tie.”  _ Damn, Dugan cleaned up well. _

A picture of a tall, well-dressed man and his wife, her hair elaborately twisted on top of her head.

“That’s Edwin Jarvis, Howard’s butler. And his wife, Ana. Dear friends of ours.”

Steve kept flipping through. There was the bridal party. Daniel’s best man was a tall blond man who looked like he wore a suit at all times – “Jack Thompson, you’ve met his son. I still can’t believe  _ he  _ ended up being my best man” – and Peggy, arm in arm with her maid of honor...was that–

“Angie Martinelli,” said Daniel with a smile. Much younger than the Angie Steve had met at the picnic two years ago, but still, that same wide-eyed innocent face.

“Hey, Steve,” said Nat from her armchair. “Look at twelve-year-old Tony.” She held up the photo so he could see. 

The Tony smiling in the photo was short – well, shorter than he was now – and floppy-haired, and being hugged from behind by Peggy. He looked happy and a tad uncomfortable – she must have surprised him with the hug. Peggy, for her part, was positively  _ beaming.  _ She must have really loved Tony.

“When you two make up, you’re blackmailing him with this,” said Nat, slipping the photo into her pocket.

“If we make up.”

“ _ When.” _

“Fine.”  _ Tony’ll have to call the damn number, though. If he hasn’t already thrown the phone into the ocean. _

He turned back to Daniel, who was gazing absent-mindedly at him. 

“Daniel,” said Steve. “Daniel. What are you looking at?”

“Y’know, maybe I should grow a beard….” said Daniel.  _ Oh my god.  _

“I think you’d look really good with a beard, Daniel,” said Steve. “Sam, I’m right, right?”

“Oh for sure,” said Sam, nodding. “Alright, Cap, here’s most of the pictures from World War II. You wanna help me find all the dumb ones of Barnes?” He was holding the smallest of the photo albums.

“I mean, he’s kind of ridiculously photogenic, but I’ll try my best,” said Steve.

He moved the album over so it was laying on both of their laps and opened it.

“How is Bucky, by the way?” asked Daniel, as Steve flipped through the pages.

“He’s good. He’s in recovery in Wakanda and he’s doing really well. Aww, here’s the Howlies.”

He pointed everyone in the photo out to Sam.

“That’s Morita, Dugan, with the mustache. Gabe Jones, whose grandson Trip was a SHIELD agent, fun fact. And that’s Bucky.”

“Heh, he has a butt chin,” said Sam, chuckling. 

“You’re so immature.”

“I can’t believe you went against the entire UN for a man with a  _ butt chin.” _

“Sam, I swear to god–” he paused, his voice stuck in his throat.

“What?” said Sam. “What is– oh. Oh.”

“Daniel?” asked Steve slowly. “Did you guys get all the stuff Bucky and I left behind?”

“Not all of it, his sister took some. No idea where it all is now...but yeah, we have some of your pictures. Most of the rest of it was donated to the Smithsonian.”

Steve smiled down at the page. There was one photo, during the war, of Steve in his Cap suit and Bucky in his uniform, looking at each other and laughing. The other ones were from earlier. The two of them, maybe around sixteen years old, blessing the Shabbos candles in the Barnes dining room. Steve, small and skinny and sound asleep, lying on the ground in the park. A sketch he’d done of Bucky, sitting by the docks at sunset. 

“They’re the ones Peggy made sure to keep,” said Daniel.

Steve felt like crying.

“Daniel?” he said. “Do you want to...meet Bucky, maybe?”

_ Alright, so now everyone in the room is looking at me. _

“In Wakanda? You’re serious?” Daniel looked taken aback. 

“Steve–” said Sharon.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” said Jane. “Won’t it be hard for him to get around?”

“I think he’ll be fine. They’re really accommodating over there. Plus Shuri could probably make him a new leg within, like, a day.”

He turned to Daniel. “It’s your decision,” he said. “I’m gonna go see him in like three weeks, if you want to come then?”

Daniel nodded slowly. “I guess that works. Guess I’m finally meeting the famous Bucky Barnes.”

Steve smiled. “Guess you are.”

_ Peggy would be proud. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this chapter is even longer than the last one. which is fun.  
> it's really an excuse for everyone to make fun of steve's beard more than anything lol  
> \- had to bring in some yiddish for y'all  
> \- had to bring in the sunglasses too...steve is stupid  
> \- chaotic siblings stevesharon...plus the obvious mlm/wlw solidarity...we really could've had it all  
> \- sam wilson i would die for you  
> \- YES HALF THIS CHAPTER IS ABOUT THE HAIR. SHUT UP  
> \- the way i just kinda randomly came up with jane for the labor day picnic chapter and now i just love her to pieces...iconic  
> \- more beard jokes!!  
> \- DUGAN IN A SUIT DUGAN IN A SUIT  
> \- "he's kind of ridiculously photogenic" steve honey ur bi is showing  
> \- BUTT CHIN
> 
> aaaaaand next chapter we're going to wakanda babie!! the chapter after that will be another stabby one. stay tuned. bye for now!


	8. 2017 (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Daniel head to Wakanda, where Daniel finally meets the famous Bucky Barnes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI HELLO I KNOW IT'S BEEN A MONTH I'M SO SORRY  
> i don't even have a real reason for this taking so long???? like yeah school started right after i posted the last one but it's more just that this took me so goddamn long to write. anyways. posting this at 5:30 am as per usual...... so yeah!! enjoy!! (hopefully chapter 9 won't take as long lol) 
> 
> oh also!! my birthday is coming up soon!! how exciting!!
> 
> ok go read now bye. and happy sukkot!!

They flew in on the Quinjet.

Daniel had snoozed through the entire Atlantic Ocean and a good chunk of Africa. He woke up twenty minutes out.

“Hey,” he said groggily. “We almost there?”

“Nearly,” said Steve from his pilot’s seat. “We’re coming up on the best part, you should come look.”

Daniel groaned as he got out of his chair.

Steve turned to look at him. “You alright?”

“I’m fine, Steve. Just old.” He stood and gazed out at the rolling hills below. “Man, what a view.”

Steve grinned. “Oh, just you wait, old man.”

They stood there in silence for a few minutes, as the sun shone brightly through the windshield.

“Steve,” said Daniel.

“Yeah?”

“You are flying….awfully close to that mountain.”

“Yup.”

“No, like you’re gonna hit the mountain.”

“Uh-huh.” _Oh, this’ll be fun._

“Steve, we’re gonna crash!” Daniel grasped Steve’s shoulder tightly.

“Mm-hmm.”

The mountain grew closer… closer… closer…

Just before they hit it, it disappeared.

“Oh my god,” Daniel whispered.

 _Goddamn, this never gets old._ T

he city rose between the mountains, beautiful buildings of all shapes and sizes filling the valley. A winding river split it in half.

“Welcome to Birnin Zana, The Golden City.” Steve smiled. “And capital of Wakanda.”

“It’s beautiful,” said Daniel.

They touched down right outside the Citadel. The doors to the Quinjet lowered. Steve hooked his arm through Daniel’s and helped him down the ramp and out into the bright Wakandan sunlight.

Two people were waiting for them.

“Captain Rogers,” said T’Challa, dressed in long dark robes. “It is good to see you again. I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure of meeting your friend.”

“Good to see you too, Your Highness,” said Steve. “This is my friend Daniel Sousa. Daniel, this is T’challa, the Black Panther and King of Wakanda.”

Daniel held out his hand. “Lovely to meet you, Your Highness,” he said. “Your kingdom is beautiful.”

T’Challa nodded his head. “Thank you. My sister Shuri will take you down to the lake to see Sergeant Barnes.”

He nudged the young woman standing next to him, who must have been Shuri. Steve hadn’t met her yet, but he knew she was in charge of all of Wakanda’s technological advancements, _and_ Bucky’s recovery. Probably smarter than Tony and Bruce combined. He hadn’t realized how _young_ she was – she couldn’t be older than seventeen.

“I like the new look, Captain,” she said. “You have a sense of fashion, unlike my brother over here.”

“Shuri,” said T’Challa, sounding exasperated. “I have to go. You’re taking Captain Rogers and Agent Sousa down to see Barnes.” He turned to Daniel. “Do you need a wheelchair, Agent Sousa? It is a bit of a walk.”

Daniel nodded. “That’d be lovely, Your Highness.”

The wheelchair was Shuri’s design, so of _course_ it was hovering. And it had cupholders. Daniel looked positively _gleeful_ in the thing. It made Steve smile.

The three of them headed off down to the lake, where Bucky had been living while he recovered.

Steve stayed back with Shuri while Daniel rolled ahead.

Shuri looked a little concerned. “He’s fine, right? Doesn’t need supervision?”

“Who, Daniel? He’s fine. I mean, he’s ninety-eight and only has one leg, but he’s good. We’re right behind him in case something happens.” Steve was quiet for a few seconds. “So, how’s Bucky doing?” he asked quickly.

Shuri smiled knowingly. “He’s doing well. Recovery’s been hard, and he’s had some pretty bad days, but I think he’s getting better. And he’ll be really happy to see you.”

“And I him,” said Steve, as the lake came into view.

The thatched huts sitting on the bank must have been home to a few Wakandan families; Steve watched a few kids run around in the grass as their parents watched. Shuri led Steve and Daniel to another hut, a little bit off to the side. She knocked on the door.

“Sergeant Barnes!” she called.

“Didn’t I say to call me Bucky?” came a muffled, but familiar, voice from inside the hut.

“Did you? I don’t remember,” said Shuri, a smile forming on her face. “You have visitors!”

The door swung open. “Who is–” Bucky froze in the doorway, staring straight into Steve’s eyes. “Oh.”

 _Oh_.

Steve had expected to come to Wakanda and find Bucky with longer hair, brighter eyes, a wider smile. Healthier. Maybe even happier. He certainly hadn’t expected him to look like Jesus H. Christ _himself– holy shit–_

His hair was longer, and had been pulled half-up in a little bun. His metal arm had been completely removed. And he was wearing robes, long red ones. He really _did_ look happier.

He had smile lines around his eyes. Steve hadn’t seen those in a while.

He cleared his throat. “Hey, Buck,” he said softly. He scratched the back of his neck nervously. “How’ve you been?”

Bucky smiled. “Not bad, Stevie.” _Fuck_. “I like the beard. It’s gotten longer since we Skyped.”

Steve wanted to cry. “You...you look good. Really good. They’ve been treating you well?”

Bucky nodded. “Yeah. They have...Shuri, why the _hell_ are you staring?”

Steve turned. Shuri cracked a smile. “No reason,” she said, mischievously.

Bucky raised an eyebrow. “Sure…” He turned to Daniel, sitting comfortably in his hovering wheelchair. “You must be Agent Sousa. You know, you’re kind of a legend.”

“I am? I don’t know if anything I’ve done could be considered legendary.”

“You took care of Peggy Carter for almost seventy years.”

Daniel smiled. “I tried my best, not that she needed it. It’s this idiot who I really have to watch out for. I don’t know how you did it.” Shuri was trying and failing not to laugh.

Bucky met Steve’s eyes. _Bright blue_. “With great difficulty,” he said. Steve rolled his eyes. _Yeah, yeah. I know._ “He was worse before the serum. Put himself in the same amount of danger he does now, only he was around a hundred pounds lighter and like a foot shorter.”

“But still just as stupid?” asked Daniel.

“Yup.”

“Wow.”

“Okay,” Steve cut in. “I’m all here for the two of you becoming friends, but is making-fun-of-Steve hour over yet?”

Bucky clapped Steve on the shoulder. “It’s only just begun, pal.” He pulled him in for a one-armed hug.

Their first real hug in seventy years. Both of them so vastly different now, and yet still exactly the same. Funny how time works that way.

“Come on,” said Bucky, as they pulled apart. “Let me introduce you to my goats.”

“Your– you have _goats?” What_.

Bucky chuckled. “Don’t look so surprised.”

The goats were in a field a little ways beyond Bucky’s hut. He led Steve and Daniel down the path, while Shuri stayed near the huts to hang out with some of the kids.

“She’s great,” said Steve, walking beside Bucky. “Shuri.”

“She’s the best. She’s been giving me a crash course on movies and TV shows that I’ve missed. Which is a lot.”

“Oh man, I remember when the team did that to me...Nat just kept forcing me to watch horror movies.” Steve shuddered at the thought. _That fucking girl from The Ring. Absolutely terrifying._

“So what’s your favorite so far?”

“Take a wild guess.”

Steve thought about it. “Star Wars.”

“Ding ding ding. You know me too well, Rogers.”

“I know that you’re the biggest goddamn nerd on the planet, _Barnes_.” Steve elbowed him lightly in the arm, chuckling.

“Oh, shut up.” But there was a playful smile on Bucky’s lips. A lot had changed in the past seventy years. Their constant bickering was decidedly _not_ one of those things.

Steve was glad it wasn’t.

“Y’know,” he said. “You kind of look like Luke.”

“Skywalker?”

“Yeah. It’s more apparent when you’re clean-shaven, though. You both have the same chin dimple thing.” The one Steve had always wanted to put his thumb in. _Goddammit_.

“Hm...maybe I’ll cut my hair and shave so I can– shit, what is it called– cosplay him??”

Steve shook his head. “No, don’t. I like the hair.”

Bucky looked at him. “You do?”

“Of course I do. We look like– I don’t know–”

“Hipsters?”

Steve laughed. “I was gonna say lumberjacks.”

“Oh, no. You are _not_ getting me to wear a flannel shirt. Or plaid, for that matter.”

“They’re comfortable!”

“Just because you’re an old man doesn’t mean you have to dress like one, Steve.”

“Strong words from a man dressed like Jesus.”

“Yeah, but I pull it off,” said Bucky smugly. He wasn’t wrong.

By that point, they had reached the field. Bucky drew ahead to gather all of his goats. Daniel, who had been rolling along right behind the supersoldiers, pulled up so he was level with Steve.

“Honest to god,” he said, “I think you two are more oblivious than Peggy and I were. And _that_ is saying something.”

“We’re not oblivious!” Steve insisted.

Sousa raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, maybe we’re a _little_ oblivious.”

“Uh-huh. Okay. You’re gonna go over to see the goats, and then you’re gonna tell him how you feel. Got it?”

Steve nodded. _Getting a little bold there, Daniel._ “You know, you’re very insistent about this.”

“Well, I want to see you happy.”

Steve had never been much of a crier, but there were _definitely_ tears welling up in his eyes. _Shit_.

“Daniel,” he said, voice breaking, “that was–”

“Don’t you get sappy on me, Rogers. I was only telling the truth.”

Steve smiled softly, a tear spilling down his cheek. “Yeah, yeah… I know.”

He wiped it off as Bucky called from up ahead. “Guys, come look at the goats!”

Daniel looked at Steve. “Now’s your chance, lover boy.”

“That nickname is _not_ sticking.”

“Sure it isn’t.” Steve rolled his eyes. _For Christ’s sake_.

They reached Bucky, who had maybe ten goats hanging around him.

“Alright,” he said, as Steve and Daniel pulled up next to him. “Let me introduce you. I named them all after important things in my life.”

He looked at Steve as he said it.

“Okay, so that brown one over there is Brooklyn,” he said, pointing. “He shits all over the place, but otherwise he’s pretty cool. And the gray-ish one right next to him is Howlie. Partly, y’know, because of the Howlies, but also because he’s _so_ goddamn loud.” As if on cue, Howlie lifted his horned head up and bleated. “Yeah, yeah, shut up,” said Bucky, as he waded through the grass.

“This one’s Sam.” He patted the head of the brown-and-white spotted goat right next to him.

“And that one’s Natasha. Could easily kill me, but she hasn’t yet. So basically the same as the real Natasha.”

“I’ll tell her you said that,” said Steve with a light chuckle. She’d get a kick out of it, that’s for sure.

“Don’t you dare. Uh… oh, here’s Becca. Although I sometimes call her Meshuganeh, she’s kind of a nutcase.” The little white goat stumbled around, then bonked her head on Bucky’s shin. “You’re a dumbass, but you’re cute,” he said, kneeling down and scratching her head.

He stood up. “Oh, and the one who looks like she could’ve been a British aristocrat in a former life is Carter. Peggy, that is. Only I never really knew her well enough to be on a first-name basis, so I just call her Carter.”

Steve and Daniel looked at each other, both of them trying – and failing – to hold in their laughter.

“What?” asked Bucky, seeing their faces. “What’d I do?”

“Nothing,” said Steve, who was downright _giggling_. “It’s just–”

“Well, you weren’t there, so you wouldn’t know, but uh–” Daniel could barely get the words out, he was laughing too hard– “sorry, it’s just, one of Peggy’s last requests – and I told everyone this at the funeral – was that no one name anything after her.”

“We’re not sure if that extends to goats, but–”

Bucky looked mortified. “Oh, god. Should I change her–”

“No, no, don’t,” said Daniel. “I think she’d appreciate it. And Carter is _very_ aptly named.”

“Who’s this little guy?” Steve asked, picking up the pale brown goat who’d been nibbling at his boots. “He’s so small.”

“He’s full-grown,” said Bucky. “That’s Steve.”

Well, _that_ certainly caught Steve off-guard.

“Sometimes he’s Stevie. Stiofán, if he’s being a pain in the ass. He– why are you looking at me like that?”

_Like I love you more than anything else in the entire world? No idea._

“I–” Steve couldn’t find the right words. “You named a goat after me?”

“Well, yeah.” Bucky looked almost...shy. “I named them after the important things in my life. You’re kind of the most important.”

“He’s tiny.”

“So were you.”

And Steve looked at Bucky, at his bright eyes and his hair and the way his skin seemed to glow in the Wakandan sunlight, and he realized – he couldn’t tell him. Not now, when the only thing he should be worrying about was getting better. He’d been through so goddamn much in the past seventy years, gone through so much pain, he deserved a chance to finally be himself again without any more stress. He deserved to live here and tend to his goats and let his hair grow longer and be _happy_. Steve would tell him eventually, he knew he would. But not right now. Not right now.

He cleared his throat. “You better take him from me, or I’ll bring him home and keep him for myself. Start calling him Little Steve.”

“Oh, _hell_ no. Give him here.” Their hands brushed as Bucky took Steve the goat. He placed him gently on the ground, and the goat scampered away.

“So,” he said. “You two must be hungry. We could go back to the hut, maybe grab a bite to eat?”

Steve’s stomach grumbled at the mention of food. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was.

He smiled. “Food sounds good.”

-=+=-

When the sun had gone down, Daniel pulled Steve aside.

“You didn’t tell him,” he said, by way of greeting.

“No, I didn’t...You’re not gonna lecture me, are you?” asked Steve.

“Oh, god, no, of course not. It’s not my declaration of love, it’s not my choice when to say it. That’s on you. It’s just–”

“You want me to tell him.”

“Well, yeah. I’m not getting any younger, Steve.”

“I know that. I’ll tell him. Soon. Eventually. I promise.” _No matter how fucking terrifying the prospect was_.

“I’m holding you to that. I’m making you two get your act together if it’s the last thing I do.”

Steve laughed. “Alright. Goodnight, Daniel. See you in the morning. We’ve got an early flight.”

“‘Night, Steve.”

And off they went to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was like 2500 words oh damn  
> anyways here are some NOTES
> 
> \- daniel in a hovering wheelchair is a wildly funny visual for me idk  
> \- bucky is HERE and IDK IF I WROTE HIM WELL  
> \- shuri knows what the fuck is up lmaooooo ugh i love her  
> \- daniel and bucky meeting is literally just ur two friends who don't know each other meeting and immediately bonding over making fun of you. incredible  
> \- SCI-FI NERD BUCKY YUP  
> \- ok look i had to put the seb-is-mark-hamill's-son thing in i just had to  
> \- i've had the scene of bucky introducing all his goats to steve in my head for a while now and ugh i love it so much  
> \- and yes this is why i specifically mentioned peggy not wanting anything to be named after her in the funeral chapter....idk i just thought it was funny  
> \- steve's reason for not telling bucky is dumb but steve is also dumb so it checks out  
> \- OH ALSO. meshuganeh is a yiddish word that means weird/eccentric/kind of a nutcase etc  
> \- and becca's named for bucky's sister!!  
> \- daniel like "these idiots better get their shit together or i SWEAR to GOD" ldkfsjdf truly a mood
> 
> ANYWAYS HOPE U ENJOYED WHATEVER THIS WAS. NEXT CHAPTER IS ANOTHER HEART STABBY ONE GET EXCITEDDDDD


	9. 2018

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve visits Daniel for the last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone and welcome to the chapter that gives this fic its major character death warning. this one's kinda sad. hope you enjoy  
> (and just for context's sake, this is set right before the events of infinity war ok bye go read)
> 
> tw // character death

Jane stuck her head out the door, puffy-faced and red-eyed. She sniffed. “You guys can come in.”

Steve nodded. 

He and Nat had arrived at the hospital an hour earlier, dressed in civilian clothes so as not to be recognized. They were still criminals, after all.

He pulled down the brim of his baseball cap and stood up from the bench. Nat followed suit.

He couldn’t tell what he was feeling. Or if he was feeling anything at all.

Jane pushed the door open wider, and Steve and Nat entered the hospital room to find the entire Sousa-Carter family crowded around the bed. Steve couldn’t see its occupant – not that it mattered. He knew who it was.

They shifted around to make room for Steve and Nat by the foot of the bed.

And Steve looked down into the dying face of Daniel Sousa.

As much as he acted like it, Daniel wasn’t a young man. In fact, he was Steve’s age. Nearly a hundred. His immune system had weakened as he grew older, as they tend to do. (Without a superserum, that is.) He’d come down with a nasty case of pneumonia, and then, well...here he was.

For someone who knew he was dying, Daniel looked downright cheerful. Which somehow wasn’t in any way surprising.

“Oh, hey,” he whispered. “New visitors. Did you bring me a balloon?”

“Oh, it kept attacking us, so Nat had to pop it,” Nat elbowed him. “ _ Ow. _ ”

Daniel smiled. “Sam’s on lookout?”

Steve and Nat nodded.

“I’m glad you came.” He looked around at his whole family, huddled around him. “All of you.”

Tears filled Steve’s eyes as he said it. Nat laid a hand gently on his shoulder. 

“Hey,” she whispered, her own eyes watering. “It’s okay. I promise.”

“I know.” He wiped his face with his sleeve. “It’s just– I’ve lost too many people lately.”

Nat nodded. “It’s hard. We’ll get through it, okay?”

Steve didn’t say anything, but Nat understood.

-=+=-

The Sousa-Carters had drifted away from Daniel’s hospital bed, some sitting on chairs, some standing around and talking in hushed voices. Sharon had pulled a movie up on the TV –  _ Singin’ in the Rain,  _ it looked like. 

Steve was hunched over on a chair right by the bed, watching closely as Daniel rested.

“Did– Did Tony–”

“He came yesterday.” Steve had to lean in to hear clearly. “Knew you’d probably show up with the family, so he didn’t want to...well.”

Steve nodded, breathed a sigh of relief. Today was hard enough. Tony’s presence would’ve just made things worse. 

He was glad he had gotten to say goodbye, though.

Daniel made a sudden movement, as if he was trying to push his blanket off and sit up. Quickly, Steve laid his hands lightly on his wrists, gently guiding him to lie back down.

“You shouldn’t do that. You need rest.”

Daniel nodded weakly, his mind clearly elsewhere.

“Hey, uh. Guys?” he called out to the room, his voice hoarse. “Can you give Steve and I a few minutes alone in here?”

_ Wait. What– _

The Sousa-Carters quieted down as he said it. They began to file out the hospital room, some of them looking a little confused.

Nat caught Steve’s eye from the corner, where she was talking to Jane. She raised an eyebrow. Steve shrugged. He had no idea what was happening either. She and Jane walked out after the rest of the family, and shut the door behind them.

“Alright,” said Daniel heavily, God, he sounded so  _ tired.  _ “How’ve you been, Steve?”

“Do you want me to be honest?” Steve was on the verge of tears. And he was  _ never  _ on the verge of tears. 

“Hey,” said Daniel, touching a bony hand to Steve’s arm. “You’re gonna be okay.”

“And you?” 

“I’m old. I’m ready. You’ve sacrificed yourself before, Steve. You’ve made the decision for yourself. And I've had it made for me. Nothing wrong with that.”

Steve sniffed. “Shouldn’t I be the one comforting you?” He felt useless. Completely useless.

Daniel waved him off. “It’s alright. You’re still young and stupid.”

“We’re the same age.”

Daniel gave him a look. “You’re like thirty-five, Rogers. Biologically, at least. And I’m the one on my deathbed. Can it.” But that same playfulness was in his eyes, as wrinkled as the skin around them had become.

Steve smiled. “I just...I don’t know what I’ll do without you. You were...my first real friend here.”

“You have other friends. Natasha. Sam. Sharon. My entire extended family.  _ Bucky _ .” He smirked.

“Sousa, I swear–”

But Daniel kept going. “You know what you’ll do without me? Be with the people you love.  _ Tell  _ them that you love them. Every chance you get. And especially that Sergeant Barnes of yours.” He started coughing, and Steve rushed forward to hold him steady until it passed. Daniel took a deep breath.

“Phew, that’s better. Anyways, when you two have finally figured it all out and have a kid or something–” Steve spluttered as he said it– “or a cat, or something, I don’t know. Whatever the case. You’re naming it after me. Capisce?” Steve nodded. _Of course I will._

He couldn’t stop thinking about the prospect of him having a kid. A  _ kid.  _ A little mini-Steve, running around and stumbling over their own feet. It’d always felt so out of reach. 

Maybe not anymore.

“Before you go, I...I have a gift for you,” said Daniel. He reached over to his bedside table and pulled open a drawer. “It’s...I don’t know. A way for you to remember me.”

“Alright,” said Steve softly, leaning in. “What is it?”

-=+=-

Ten minutes later, he left the hospital room, his pockets heavy and heart even heavier.

And five hours later, Daniel Sousa died in his hospital bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah yeah i know it took another month im sorry  
> we're heading into the home stretch!! just two more chapters and then an epilogue. i kinda can't believe it.
> 
> i don't really have any notes for this one other than yes, you will be finding out specifically what the gift was. later. i promise :)  
> and also rip daniel ilysm babe
> 
> hope you all had a lovely safe halloween!! and if you're 18+ in the us and haven't voted yet, please please do! see you hopefully before thanksgiving lol byeeeee


	10. 2020

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two years after the Snap, Steve has to come to terms with who - and what - he's lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi. hello. it's been a while.  
> i'm so so sorry that this took so long!! this chapter was really difficult to write and then school was kicking my ass etc etc but now i am here!! and i come bearing gifts!!  
> i hope you all had a safe and healthy and happy holidays and new year!! enjoy the chapter :)

The world was covered in ash.

It coated every surface. It filled the atmosphere, turning the sky a murky gray.

It had been two years since the Snap, and the remains of its victims floated around aimlessly, with nowhere to go. Those left behind had to trudge through it all every single day. After a while, it started to weigh you down. And Steve was no exception.

Today was his weekly support group meeting. He’d started attending back in 2014, for Sam, really. Now, after everything he’d been through, after Sokovia, and Berlin, and Wakanda, after losing almost everyone he cared about - here was a place where he could let it all out. Somewhere where he wasn’t a burden.

It was a little chilly out, but he decided to walk. The cold didn’t bother him much, anyway.

He opened the door to the little old abandoned cafe where the session took place. Everyone else was already there - around seven people, all seated in their chairs around one of the tables.

The group leader - her name was Angela - motioned for him to come over and sit with the rest of the group.

“Sorry I’m late,” he mumbled, taking off his coat.

“All good. We only started a few minutes ago.”

He sat down.

“Now,” said Angela. “Where were we…John. You were telling us about your week. How have you been?”

“I’m alright,” said John, who was sitting across from Steve. “I had a lovely conversation with my new neighbor a few days ago. I met his dog...he seems nice.”

Angela nodded. “That’s good. That’s great to hear, John.”

Steve knew how much the Snap had affected everyone sitting around the table. They’d all lost spouses, or children, or parents, or all three. Angela had lost her wife - John had lost his. And now they had to try to come back from it. Try to move on, as much as it hurt.

Steve wasn't sure moving on was possible. At least not for him.

Each of the other members talked about their week. Some of the responses were hopeful. Most weren’t.

Finally, Angela turned to Steve. “And you, Steve? How was your week?”

Steve sighed. “My week was...it was long. Kinda dragged along.”

He’d spent most of it staring at the clock, waiting for next Sunday, when he’d finally get to go upstate and see Nat.

“I didn’t do much. Most of the time it’s just... thinking. About the people I’ve lost.”

Bucky, whose last words had been Steve’s name, just before he crumbled into dust. Sam, who he never even got to say goodbye to. Peggy, who had always known exactly what to say. And Daniel. Daniel, who had been his first friend in this century. Daniel, who–

“I’ve made some promises. Ones I won’t be able to keep. Not anymore.”

Angela nodded. “And has anyone new come into your life?”

_I’m assuming she isn’t talking about the raccoon who sends me weekly emails._

“Um. No, no one has…” He could’ve left it at that - Angela wouldn’t care, he could say as much or as little as he felt comfortable - but suddenly he felt like getting it all off his chest. He’d never told anyone this before. Everyone he wanted to tell was dead.

_Fuck it. Here goes nothing._

The words just seemed to tumble out of his mouth, like they had always been sitting on the tip of his tongue, just waiting to emerge.

“I went into the ice thinking my best friend was dead. Gone forever. Lying in the snow at the bottom of a mountain, all his bones broken. I thought I’d join him soon enough, once the Valkyrie hit the ground. I was wrong. About a lot of things. He wasn’t dead. He wasn’t just a best friend to me, either...I loved him. Still do. I loved him and then I lost him and then I found him and then I lost him again and again and again and I never told him how I really feel. And now he’s gone. For good. I couldn’t save him this time... I failed him.”

He let out a deep breath. It had all come rushing out of him so quickly. He’d never bared his soul like this before. Not even to Daniel.

“There’s no one besides him. There never will be...there never was.”

_There never will be and there never was._

-=+=-

The drive up to Avengers Compound didn’t take as long as Steve thought it would.

He shuddered as he pulled up to the building. It felt almost haunted. It had always been too big for the number of people it housed, but as far as he knew, Natasha was the only one living there right now.

She tended to fill up every room she was in. Here, though - here, that might be more difficult.

Steve found her in the kitchen, at the table and eating what looked like a peanut butter sandwich.

“How’ve you been?” he asked, sitting down in the chair across from her. “And can I have a piece of that?”

“You really think you could barge in here and take my sandwich? Make your own, Rogers.” She grinned as she said it. Steve rolled his eyes and got up, pulling out some bread and the jar of peanut butter.

“Your hair’s been growing out,” he noted, spreading peanut butter on the bread. “Nice to see the red again.”

This time _she_ rolled _her_ eyes. “What, like you hated the blonde?”

He put the pieces of bread together and cut the sandwich in half. “I didn’t hate it. I just think the red’s more... you, yknow?”

He brought his sandwich-laden plate back over to the table and sat down. “And you didn’t answer my question.”

“What, how have I been?”

He nodded. “You’re all cooped up in here, so.”

“I’m not cooped up. This place is _huge_. And I’ve had visitors.”

Steve chuckled. “Like who? The holographic form of Carol Danvers?”

She chewed on her sandwich. “Well...yes. But also Rhodes. He’s been here a few times.”

“...And Tony?”

“I don’t think Tony’s ever leaving that cabin of his. I went to visit a few weeks ago. Morgan’s a cutie, you’d love her.”

He smiled. “I bet I would.” He bit off a piece of his sandwich.

“What about you? You doing alright?”

“I’m as good as I can be, I guess,” he mumbled, his mouth still full of peanut butter.

“Chew, you weirdo. You’re still going to those session things, right?”

He swallowed. “Yup. And it’s entirely Sam’s fault.”

A sad look crept up on Nat’s face. “I miss him so much.”

“I do too. And Bucky…”

She nodded. “I miss them all. But we have each other, don’t we?”

Her eyes were watering. Steve reached out across the table and took her hand, squeezed it tight.

“Yeah,” he said. “We have each other.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooooo this was basically a rewrite of That scene in endgame. except this time with no gay joe russo and an actual mention of bucky. and some good old platonic stevenat !! hope you liked it lol  
> the next chapter is the biggie. The Final Chapter. altho there will be an epilogue afterwards dlskfjs but still!! very exciting. it will hopefully not take me a full two months to write the damn thing but honestly...who knows. i'm so excited to finally finish this fic !! ahhhhh  
> ily all so very much <3


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